Vacation

Yes, it's that time of year again. Our annual trip to Michigan is upon us and we are headed out to Detroit tonight. After staying there a night it's off to my nephew Zack's wedding in Indiana and then up to my mom's in Fenwick for Sunday morning. Sunday afternoon we're headed up to Petosky to see Phil and maybe others? Anyway we'll be there until Tuesday morning when we head back down to my mom's for our 4th of July get together and the rest of the week, I will update the blog whenever I can. (Which probably means when I get back.)

Truth

And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all?
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And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is,

Hear, O Israel;
The Lord our God is one Lord:
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and thou shalt love the Lord thy God

with all thy heart, and with all thy soul,
and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: Deut. 6.4, 5

this is the first commandment.
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And the second is like, namely this,

Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. Lev. 19.18

There is none other commandment greater than these.

War

Battlefield: 21 Days on the Empire's Edge

I just finished watching the end of it. It's a documentary on the war in Iraq. One of the interviewers was an Iraqi man who had fought against Hussein's faction and fled to America. He was returning home after many years to see his family. The other interviewer was a woman who I didn't learn that much about, but her translator was also a woman, an Iraqi woman. Having the two viewpoints gave the film more perspective.

I liked the film because the news we get here in America is so sketchy, and by sketchy I mean biased and skewed. I like to hear the soldiers talk and I like to hear the Iraqi people talk. Politicians and foreign correspondents I can do without.

I am not going to transcribe the entire film but one scene especially stood out to me.

A large group of Iraqi men are gathered around the camera and they are stating their various grievences (as any person whose homeland is being ravaged by war would) and one man states, "There is one god, and America is the enemy of Islam." This then becomes a chant accompanied by clapping and shouting. The camera pans back and there are American soldiers standing nearby on picket duty. They're interested in the crowd, but not nearly as interested as I bet they would be if they had subtitles popping up in their goggles like I did on my tv screen.

Pull out of Iraq? Don't pull out of Iraq? America will be fighting the war on terror, somewhere, long after I am dead and buried. "There is one god and America is the enemy of Islam." We can pull out of Iraq, but we will be fighting somewhere else soon after and it will be worse.

I grieve for the loss of life, both American and Iraqi, that the war has caused. I read the names of the soldiers who have died, ninety percent of whom are younger than I am, and I think of their families, their mothers and wives and kids.

I honor our men and women in the military for making the ultimate sacrifice. They bleed for us. They go out to fight so the enemy does not come in again and kill thousands more innocents.

Iraq or Illinois, where would we rather the war take place? The fighting will continue, one place or another. The question is, would pulling out of Iraq make an already bad situtation worse?

meh

Love that word "meh" it so full of emotions. Not the kind of emotions that make you cry or laugh or fall in love, the kind of emotions that make you want to stay in bed all day, the kind of emotions that come in to play when you drop a grilled cheese sandwich on the kitchen floor and pick it up and eat it anyway. That's "meh" that's what I'm talking about. It's kind of like "oh well" but really that doesn't even come close to encompassing all that is "meh". "Oh well" is resigned and singular, "meh" on the other hand can be the most defiant word spoken at the table or an off handed remark made after you spilled water on the crotch of your khakis. "Meh" is mostly about perspective and strength not nessecarily resignation or apathy. Example:

Guy 1-"Hey man, it's too bad that you broke up with Jill."

Mike S.-"Meh."

Guy 1-"Yeah, you're right."


Yeah, I know where my manuscript needs a fixin'. I already added a "tense" scene between Jan and Marli that I hope shows a real conflict. I am working on removing the Ahmzad completely from the the manuscript (so those of you who got a glimpse of that hardy and taciturn race consider yourselves lucky). P.S. you're not supposed to like Jan at the beginning, he's not good, has no redeeming qualities. Haven't we all met people like that? Um, grammar I understand. Not enough commas too many periods. I get it, easy to fix. Ah, I need to rework some of the betrayal elements as far as Cyrus and Sophia go. Cyrus is getting a new scene. I'm going to be cutting alot of the "nice to know" travelogue stuff and adding more dialog between characters. I'm going to try to give the world a little better sense of time. That's something I really want to get into in the next book.

Reoccuring characters that don't do much. Well, since this is a trilogy I hope to be able to work everyone in. Yeah, I know I introduced alot of people in the first manuscript but I kill a few of them off too, eh? Ellis Drake and his father I need to work out something there regarding their feud. Also Lars Buldin, I just kinda introduced him and then killed him in the Transformation Experiment. Lord Mobus, need to expand his character quite a bit.

The Jade Throne I am stuck on. I have to be honest. My description of this chair and reason for it to be in the manuscript is murky at best. Its use is even murkier. I really have to get something hammered out. Something solid. It's in the finale of the book and is an instrument in the destruction of a Council Member. I think I'll need to make it a religious artifact. But there has to be a better explained key to unlocking its power.

Overall I feel the manuscript is missing something. Thus the scores from the contest judges. I think they were acurate. Polish? More hutspah? The kaibosh?! I'm not at the level I want to be at yet. I know, it'll come. That's what they all say and they're probably right. It takes alot of time though. Anyone out there who wants to write a book, particularly a novel. Unless you can give all your time to it be prepared. Life keeps getting in my way.

Meh.

yeah

So is The Children of Hurin the story of Turin son of Hurin? Because if it is I've already read that story in a little book I like to call The Silmarillion. Hm, I'm not going to buy it if I've already read it, yesterday, and already know how it ends. The story of Turin is sad and one of Tolkien's best.

The Cavs failed to squeeze out a victory last night. By the way, LeBron was mauled by Bowen as he gathered himself for that last shot. He had a legit gripe. But hey, gotta make those big guy, fouls or no fouls.

Which leads me to my next point. NBA refs have wayyyy (yep 4 "y's") to much control over the game. In what other sport can a player be removed from play just because he is playing the game hard? I ask you. Football? Nope your team is penalized yards for almost all infractions with a loss of down thrown in for good measure. Barring an all out brawl it is very difficult to be ejected from any of the big three (baseball, football, basketball) except for basketball. And don't even get me started about hockey, fighting is a part of that game, a part many fans look forward to (like me). I say after a player accrues six fouls either give him "penalty box" time or let the other team shoot free throws after every foul committed AND retain possession of the ball, or some such combination. But stop throwing players out.

I can't wait to get up to Michigan in July. I haven't been Up North since Christmas.

New Prologue Idea

Idea One: A Speaker Falls


"Speaker, no," the Eladii's voice boomed through the near empty audience chamber. The tall warrior stood over the body of a beautiful dark-haired woman stretching his sword out toward the broad-shouldered man walking slowly away.Two dozen dead and dying soldiers littered the chamber, a testament to the Eladii's skill with a blade. Aurelious Preston whirled at the Eladii's voice. Tears stained his pale, drawn face as he jabbed an acusing finger at the armored figure.

"Do not speak to me," he screamed, "murderer, you took her from me, you took my soul. He, he can help me. He can bring her back." Aurelious pointed to a figure even taller than the Eladii standing at the far end of the rectangular chamber.

Motes of light coalesced and swirled around the towering being obscuring his face. His voice was melodic and rich, "Come my child, come, I will soothe your hurt. Pay no heed to the words of this traitor."

The Eladii's voice was pleading now, "Speaker, please, she was an assassin, she was sent by our enemies to destroy you."

"I know my enemies," Aurelious replied as he turned to stand beside the shining figure. The Eladii's eyes glowed menacingly and he brought his shield to bear as green helmeted soldiers flooded the room, surrounding him.

"Are his companions disposed of?" the shining figure asked casually turning from the chamber with Aurelious in tow.

"Yes, almighty one, only this one remains," a broad soldier with a down-turned spear stamped into the front of his helm replied.

"I want this one taken alive, Captain Gin," the giant commanded as he exited the room. "As you wish almighty," Ian Gin gritted his teeth behind his dark visor and raised his rifle.

Across the room the Eladii brought his sword up and back, ready to strike. Futility momentarily overwhelmed him and he hesitated in his attack. He had failed. All was lost. The Speaker was gone. His brothers were dead. He had failed. Futility turned to grim determination as the first shots rang through the chamber slamming into the Eladii's tall shield. Only death could bring him peace. With a defiant scream he hurled himself into the armored throng.

Motivation

Man, I cannot get motivated to write. Not even a little bit. I need to just get back to the tried and true. You sit down for two hours in front of your computer/typewriter/writing pad and you don't get up until a) you have written something or b) there is nothing but a blank screen (in my case). Then you do it again the next day.

OK, got an e-mail from one of the speakers at last years ACFW convention. Very cool, cool guy good writer. He asked if my story was the one with the mute girl in it. Alas, mine is not. Mine is the one that needs alot of work still.

I'm am scrapping the prologue completely. And Jay, I plan on sending you a copy of the manuscript (you asked for it, haha). I am rewriting a new action-packed prologue that will send the reader's minds whirling with desire to read more, at least thats the plan. Then I will re-read the entire manuscript again removing all mention of a certain race that will remain nameless until the second book and writing something coherent regarding the Jade Throne (what a mess that's turned out to be. I mean what am I supposed to do with it? I think it was ill concieved but I'm pretty sure I can salvage the idea I just need to do alot or re-writing).

And the dialogue, mechanically, to many periods not enough commas. I'll have to look at it. A scene where Jan and his wife have a real conflict. Less narrative, less -ly adverbs, more showing. I like narrative by the way, sometimes it's the only way to really get some description done.

Just tighten things up I guess. I need to add a scene when Cyrus is dying (more showing instead of telling) and ends up crippled instead of dead. Mmm, yeah and then seriously start working on the next one. I have some good ideas that need to be tweeked but one thing at a time I guess.